also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
