Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
