Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
