oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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