angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We are all done wearing pants today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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