At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
