He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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