I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
