If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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