the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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