did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
