I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
