She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
