my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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