can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
