Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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