my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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