I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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