if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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