oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
