in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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