I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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