I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
