What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
