During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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