He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
