toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
