Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
