Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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