Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
