sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
