Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
