she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
