if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
