She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well you can't waste a boner
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
