Cold hands, warm shart.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
