break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
