normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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