Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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