found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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