Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
