Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
