I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
