That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
