is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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