Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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