ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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