He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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