this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
