you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
