god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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