i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You can't special order awesome
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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