I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize