1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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