What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
