between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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