i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
