Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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