Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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