did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize