I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
