Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
