I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
