sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
