My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
