my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will be naked everywhere
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
