To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
