like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
