i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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