he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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