Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
