I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
