Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
