I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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