your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
