So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
