We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
