Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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