he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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